Shedding Our Armor

Description

Emotional armor is worn by most of us, and is based on fears or insecurities we haven't yet examined within ourselves. Over time, armor weakens and exhausts us. This video helps us to understand armor and learn how to begin taking it off.

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Music is "Runaways" by Silent Partner.

Tags: Kenton Whitman,ReWild University,Human Rewilding,personal rewilding,mindfulness,how to,bushcraft,survival,wilderness survival skills,how to survive in the woods

Video Transcription

hello my friends this is another friend of mine papi she's a little bit nervous about being on the camera for the first time but she's not tame she just comes and hangs around us and show us her quills if she's not wanting to be bothered somebody wrote with a really really good question and we're gonna do our best here to give it the answer it deserves but it's not going to be a super easy one hi honey this has to do with Armour and most of us to some extent we're wearing armor emotional armor we know why we do it there's feelings of fear or feelings of being overwhelmed that lead us to this strapping on layer after layer of armor when life just seems too hard we're surrounded by people that seem too harsh when we feel judged when we've been hurt it's really easy to put that armor on an armor is such a perfect example because many layers it speaks to what we do it seems like such a good idea because when they have armor on I have this hard shell and it protects the tenderness underneath that shop so it seems to make sense put on this armor and I'm going to be protected the problem is that it has some unforeseen consequences and these consequences impact our lives in a really powerful way so first of all it's protecting this tenderness underneath now when I protect something tender it doesn't tend to grow stronger or more robust in fact it becomes more and more tender so at some point if put on this this armor thinking that it's going to protect me but what it's doing is its its repelling some things but it's making me weaker essentially inside I'm not getting the exercise of being vulnerable of responding to emotional attacks I've pushed myself away from those things so that inside I'm getting just weaker and weaker does that happens though you notice the armor that I wear on the outside it gives me the illusion of strength and so I keep staying in these situations that are maybe toxic to me that are harmful to me and as they do so I have to put on more and more layers of armor as I put on more layers of armor I keep myself in these negative situations I don't make positive changes in my life and all that time I'm getting just softer and softer inside more and more tender armor has another consequence and that is that it's heavy as the days the week's the months go on the weight of that armor begins to wear me down many of you probably have felt this it just feels so heavy so exhausting I put this armor on because I was feeling exhausted from all these emotional attacks but now I'm just exhausted from wearing the armor and because I haven't changed my situation the attacks are still coming this starts to feel so overwhelming now as that weight piles up and piles up I can start to feel pretty hopeless and I know at this point somewhere inside that I need to take that armor off but what's starting to happen is the third big disadvantage the consequence of wearing the armor and that's that I can start to forget who that person under the armor is or was and I just become that armor I imagine that that's me I start to identify with these shells that put around me and I forget who's inside that's when we can really start to get lost and you can see how all this works together but I put this on it seemed like a good idea at first but it is just built upon itself and it's become heavier and heavier until I can almost forget Who I am this video is probably going to be a longer one and we're not going to try to rush it or make it concise because this is

this is a big important one for a lot of people so break it up into sections if you want and I thought about doing that but I don't think we're going to we're just gonna make it one video and we want to give you some real-life tools we're taking that armor off you wanna see her close-up she's eating a little carrot she and many other animals come to our compost pile and gets things on a regular basis we're filming the second part of this video in well we're down to visit some family in the Twin Cities of Minnesota so this is not our usual environment you may hear a little bit more in the way of human sounds today yes we found a little patch of wilderness in the urban environment so this question about our armor be really awesome to have a really nice easy response like here's what you do right no problem five steps and you're good but the bad news is that this one's really hard and I think this actually speaks to kind of one of the main problems of our civilization that we've created which is that there's this culture that we live in that worships comfort and the solution to this is asking us to go deep into discomfort yeah

time to get uncomfortable I'm sorry to say that's why if you have recognized that you're wearing armor this can be a gift in your life because it can start you down the road to something that's not only gonna allow you to take the armor off but also is going to transform the entire way that you approach life and living and that's to start seeing this discomfort as your best friend it's a place to grow and to evolve yourself when I was thinking about this topic I was thinking anything that we start to learn anything that we learned to do always has a period of think about walking how many times do you see little kids they walk then they fall they walk then they fall and it's riding a bike playing tennis and learning how to be a leather worker any of those things require us time and time again to fail and then to keep going and learn and so this is no different this is a place for us to learn to enrich ourselves grow our emotional resilience expand our awareness it is truly a gift that we can begin to dig in and explore ourselves and the world and why we build up walls and how it feels to step over those walls or outside them and get a little bit uncomfortable this person was asking about walls within the context of her family relationship and other aspects of life but really it feels like often we're putting up these walls all over the place there's really obvious walls but there's more and more subtle walls and armor that we put up because along with the idea of comfort comes this idea that really you should just kind of be satisfied satisfied with mediocrity in this world

on one hand you know there's always these implications that you could be great you could be a TV star or you could be this or this or this and so we have these holy grails out there that really don't hold the magic that is promised but regardless we have these holy grails

but often the message that we're getting from from family from professional like career development people and counselors at college is find something that's gonna make good money and it's just gonna be good and secure right it's that comfort again I think but of course those of us that really dig deeper realize that there isn't really a security in pretty much anything that's why the more that we begin to do things to allow ourselves to expand our comfort zone so that more uncomfortable things become comfortable the more that we're giving ourselves a gift the more that we can step into an awkward social situation and maybe an awkward social situation will always feel awkward but we may get used to that in the same way that if you walk to the grocery store in the rain without an umbrella and you do that every time that's pretty much normal right it's not that crazy thing that it was the first through the second time we humans have this amazing ability to adapt if you're wearing a lot of armor that's an adaptation that we've created to a situation but you are just as able to adapt to the discomfort that we're gonna ask you to go plunging yourself into here and trusting that that is true of you that you have this power of adaptation to almost adapt to anything believing in your resilience I think we'll use the example that's well some examples that are close to what the person was asking about although I would like to kind of jump into two extremes here so imagine over here that we have a situation of abuse you're in a you're in a place where you're being physically or verbally abused pretty bad in a relationship let's say we've learned to have a lot of walls then in that situation we can't stay in that situation without having a lot of armor on obviously the very first thing that needs to be done in that situation is to remove yourself from it but then noticing that the fact is with most people and this is probably gonna be the same with you as it is with almost everyone you're gonna go back into another abusive situation and the reason is that after we remove ourselves from that situation we need to stop and we need to do some serious looking inside in saying what kept me in that abusive situation what kept me layering Armour on on the other hand we might be in a situation that externally looks pretty good say we're married we have some children but it just feels like that relationship is

on autopilot almost dead like the passion has gone out of it and again we might have that message from people well just find a way to work it out and just kind of have it keep going I make it so that it's comfortable enough to sustain but there's that little part in you that's saying wait this is the only life I get maybe should this be passionate and amazing and when I look back at my life don't I want to say wow I'm really glad I made the choices I did here often those walls those that Armour is going to color the situation that Armour was put on maybe five ten years ago in response to a situation that was there and things might be very different but we're unable to see that because we're starting to identify with the armor and we can only see think things from the perspective of the armor yeah the armor self the higher self is root so again we have to go into discomfort here right we have to go into discomfort well then I think we should pause for a moment and I want to say you should give yourself credit right now for watching this because this means that you're here means that you are aware that something is going on that you have something within you that isn't being given full room to bloom and that is awesome you are on the road you are taking steps and I'm just gonna encourage you to keep taking those steps and I'm gonna encourage you to be proud of yourself for a moment that you recognize that you want to grow because that's really important part of this is the awareness that hey I don't I'm not as emotional as I used to be you know I heard that and I should have been so grateful and I just kind of felt like it right yeah I hear people say this sometimes I just I'm not able to cry anymore whatever it might be we know something's going on and if you are aware of that that is going to help you as you go along this path so that you can be honest with yourself about your armor about why you're doing what you're doing how you're feeling so kudos to you there's I think a two-pronged approach to this situation that we're examining here of being in that relationship that just feels like it's gone stale and you know that yes some of us are facing some really serious abusive type stuff but for a lot of us we're probably gonna identify more with this situation where our life looks like it's pretty okay but so this two prong approach is that first of all any awareness we can develop inside of ourselves any mindfulness we can develop inside of ourselves is going to be a very positive force in the right direction because all of this needs autopilot mindlessness unawareness in order to operate yeah we will hear that little voice you know that's saying ah there's got to be something outside this little shout but our our unawareness just push that neatly aside mayonnaise mayonnaise take a seat back over there we'll get to you eventually yeah we'll get to you this is huge so I've been experimenting with that lately I know you have you've been very inspiring

building a foundation where you have a little bit of ability to breathe to pick up maybe some meditation or there's a lot of different ways that you can practice the mindfulness even just a one breath meditation could do multiple times throughout the day where you just take a step back from everything your mind is churning over and you're just here for a moment right you don't even have to try to come to any conclusions you simply just do this over and over again right kind of like I want to say doing running through the woods and playing outside as you do that you get stronger it's like walking on uneven terrain if you walk on uneven terrain every day eventually get all those different muscles yeah it's I mean that's another video but we're talking about creating a base foundation right and that I've found your phone right it's big it makes more of a difference than trying to treat the symptoms up here will ever make yeah so build that foundation start on it you can start with baby steps is I mean it doesn't have to be hardly anything but just being consistent for yourself it's it's one of those ways to take away the depletion and to give yourself a momentary gift a place to just stop and be and breathe and I tell you when you do that I'm sorry when you do that you start without even trying instead of saying I know I should look at this differently you simply start to see things differently you go wait that situation that I always thought was like that you suddenly see perhaps it's another person that you're you know a co-worker you're having a little struggle with you might suddenly notice oh wow like she looks really tired and I didn't notice that before it and you start to notice different things and you go out from up maybe you discover wow yeah she's working two other jobs and maybe that's why she's grumpy all the time and you can open things up you can see things that you did it before without even trying the second prong is seeing that your your life that you're living if it has this this dissatisfaction that you're covering up with armor this is a gift because it is a perfect training temple it's a training ground and if we're gonna get our body in shape it really helps out if we have a gym or an obstacle course or some kind of a training ground to work in same thing here you've been given this awesome training ground I know it doesn't look awesome looks like this is my life that sucks because of this and this and this but it gives you an opportunity to be developing this mindfulness on a moment-to-moment basis so you're gonna be going through your life making breakfast somebody's gonna say something to you you're gonna feel the armor come up this is the moment and you're gonna get hundreds if not thousands of these moments everyday these opportunities when if you just notice that you're putting the armor up then you leave the armor up awesome you just developed some awareness a little bit more mindfulness of the armoring process that you're using but if you feel that armors start to come up and you say I'm going to bust out of the armor for a moment and be vulnerable and say that those words those just hit me hard those lows hurt me and here's how I'm interpreting them can you tell me what you mean with those words that's gonna start to open up some doors of communication usually when walls are up it corresponds very directly with an extreme lack of communication

definitely

and that can be communication with spouses that can be just you have social walls and then you don't talk to people you use your cell phone as a shield hinge yeah armor and your shield yes so so whatever it is does then engage no this is scary stuff right right we work with Moore's monks going into social situations

and I'm asking them to go walk up to some stranger that's difficult maybe kind of intimidating looking guy or somebody that they find very attractive or somebody that looks like they might not be someone that's will make them uncomfortable yeah right somewhere something that's gonna make them uncomfortable and then ask them to go up and communicate with that person people will be ashen-faced scared to do this so I know it's frightening and I come from a history of being almost socially phobic shy very very very shy but going in opening up and committing yourself to some discomfort saying if I open up to this person I might just get slammed here but I'm willing to do that because I'm taking the step into discomfort I am saying look I've had these walls up for so long I've had this armor on it's so heavy I just can't go on like this this is mediocre it sucks it's not worth continuing that is worth continuing opening up to the discomfort getting hurt you're gonna hurt as we develop as we build strength physically it's gonna hurt emotionally it's gonna hurt just at least I've not found a good-news way around that but I think there's a magic in it too so one thing you could try in your life is I mentioned going in the grocery store when it's raining without your umbrella and and being like okay this is cold it's wet but I'm alive say oh I'm gonna go get the mail but you know what it's winter and I'm not gonna throw my jacket on I'm just gonna walk out in my t-shirt I'm going down to some physical disco into some physical discomfort make it a little bit easy okay you can start to see that gives you a sense of being alive and I I think at least for me I crave that sense of being alive when you start to communicate with someone there's a sense of being alive even if you're scared right like okay and your heart is beating it's like what are they gonna say you know you're doing it you are you're you're living okay you're not just cruising along never rocking the boat but never truly finding that satisfaction of life and so as you continue to do that more you start to see that more that you are embracing life and it also comes to meet you it's like you say it's not gonna be perfect every time and you shouldn't expect perfection out of yourself or other people but just the simply trying it is the satisfaction of being able to go out and be in a thunderstorm amazing to feel alive and once that starts happening that little part in you that's been behind the armor starts to grow and grow and grow and suddenly you may be having deep conversations with someone that you have been longing to to reconnect with and they start to see it's okay and so in a way you will we all have to be uncomfortable and get hurt and suffer but we can suffer well and doing that creates a light this beacon that other people see and they start to feel comfortable with you and it is so cool when that happens it is amazing to have all of a sudden these heartfelt conversations with people that you thought you had nothing left in common with anymore unless that person is there and their beautiful spirit is just stuck behind their armor I'm sorry I'm gonna cry now because it is scary and sometimes I don't know if the scary gets easier it's just that we develop more more used to the discomfort right like going to get the mail awaits life with big capital out and it is quite a couple school so it is amazing what waits on the other side of comfort but that comfort is gonna really try to convince you just to stay in this place stay in your walls but it's not worth it there's so much waiting for us on the other side of comfort so our big encouragement to you here is delve in get courageous step out of that armor a little bit communicate get physically uncomfortable get emotionally uncomfortable and start to see that when you do so it does feel alive and you will develop resilience and excitement for that discomfort and that's going to start you on a process of growing if you're in that family situation you know a first brave move might be to gather everybody around and say hey you know what I'm embarking on a path of self-discovery I would love to have you be part of this if you want to but I might be doing some weird and out of character stuff yeah being present when you sit down and you you say that with your family they know you're right there and it's up to you whether or not you want to open the discussion for them to because you could do it together you don't have to go it alone if you don't want to in this family situation when you're present people see that and I feel like when you're honest when you are aware when you're vulnerable people see that and again they may not always respond the way that you want them to but that's okay because you knew that going into it I just think whenever we communicate something how good it feels it's like that when you've done something and you go hogwash and then not telling eats you up inside like that's what's going on it you're not telling and so when you're like oh I'm sorry but I'm the one that broke your glass slipper oh how much better it feels even if it's now out there right so bring it out there right gather that family together share what's going on see what happens and take this information and apply it generally in a general sense to your life because again this is our culture get into ruts become mindless stay the course don't look outside that box look outside that box really don't stick to that course just because it's comfortable there's so much waiting outside your your talents your passions your gifts to the world all those things might be caught in that armor it's time now to start to break free of that yeah put on your bathing suit turn on your sprinkler and jump through it in the middle of winter I mean that you know maybe metaphorically or something but you could do it for real ETSU it's just give life a chance sure in the comments places where you've had walls up or you've had armor up what did your armor look like did you find ways to take that armor off what was waiting on the other side

sometimes these stories might not be so good it might end up in a divorce and some negative type stuff but usually on the other end of those very uncomfortable things is a new freedom share what you've experienced love to you

[Music]

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